2015: A Year in Review

"All that is gold does not glitter.

Not all those who wander are lost;

The old that is strong does not wither,

Deep roots are not reached by the frost."

-J.R.R. Tolkien

This past year I lived in 4 different cities on 2 continents: Florence, Prato, Orlando, Washington DC.  The question "where are you from?" has become more complicated than ever.  But I am taking a moment to reflect on this because it's a unique situation--it's worth reflecting on because I probably won't ever again be able to say that I called so many places home in such a short period of time.  It's certainly a privilege, mostly because of all the beautiful and wonderful humans that I've had the opportunity to meet and to love.  And I want to be clear that I would not change anything about the past year, even if I could spare myself the uncertainty and the frustration and some of the tears. Because the funny thing about the uncertainty and frustration and tears is that they teach you a lot more than easy routines, natural talent and instant success

That said, all the moving and changing and shaking up is exhausting.  My suitcases were my only point of continuity, the only things that came with me on every step of the journey.  I always thought of commitments as things that hold you in one place and therefore, as things that are inherently bad. But in the course of this past year, I found myself longing to stay in one place long enough to put down some kind roots, roots not so easily reached by the frost.  This is something that "older and wiser" people in my life had warned me would happen and I laughed at them up until the moment when I realized that it was true.  Everyone is on their own journey, but for me, this is a part of getting older, of growing up.  And I hope that 2016 will be a year of only one city, at least for me, at least for the purposes of living, at least for now.

"The bottom line is that we need each other.  And not just this civilized, proper, convenient kind of need.  Not one of us gets through this life without expressing desperate, messy and uncivilized need."

-Brene Brown, Rising Strong

But I have never done anything in a vacuum.  I have to recognize that I had a lot of help this year from a lot of people: friends, strangers and strangers who turned out to be friends.  I learned a lot about self-reliance and independence, but the more valuable thing I learned was how to know when you need help and how to ask for it.  Help in the form of friendship, help in the form a listening ear, help in the form of a ride (for myself and often large amounts of my stuff), help in form of a couch to crash on or a perfectly timed hug.  

While I couldn't possibly list the names of everyone who helped me over the past year-- if you welcomed me into your home or gave me a reference for a job or listened to me whine about my problems or drove me around or helped me move, if you told me "it's going to be okay," if you let me cry on your shoulder, if you shared your wine, if you asked "are you okay?" sincerely because you were concerned-- thank you.  Thank you from the very bottom of my heart.  I recognize that this past year, even more than usual, that I would not have made it through without the love and support of friends and family around the world.  I'm so grateful, so very grateful and I hope to pay it all forward someday, since I know that I could never pay it back.

 "O Master grant that I may never seek

So much to be consoled as to console

To be understood as to understand

To be loved as to love with all my soul."

-Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi

Another crucial lesson learned was about understanding context, about the things that make us different and why they matter or sometimes don't matter.  As a traveler, I am constantly in awe of everything, but I struggled to reconcile all the experiences I had, all the things I saw. I struggled to understand my own ability to live fully within two different cultures and to wrap my head around my own actions and biases.  It wasn't until I started to look for and find a greater context, the bigger picture and how this can change from place to place, situation to situation, person to person that I was able to begin making sense of it all.

It made me realize that I don't necessarily have to think of one way of doing things as being inherently better, that I don't have to confine myself to single way of thinking.  It's recognizing with humility that I don't know everything and there is always something to learn.  It's recognizing that no city or culture has a monopoly on answering the question of what it means to live well.  It's recognizing that the world is big and wide and long and beautifully and convolutedly diverse. Looking at the world this way reinforces the value of boundless curiosity, of asking questions (even questions that on the surface seem shamelessly stupid) and, most importantly, of seeking first to understand rather than to be understood.  

That understanding has brought me greater patience and sensitivity in working with people and a solid foundation for understanding different points of view and why two different, intelligent people, given the same information could draw a different conclusion.  Looking for a context that is significantly bigger than us and our problems is what gives us the ability to entertain an idea without accepting it, what makes it possible to empathize with another person, what makes us travelers and good citizens of the world.

And in all of these endeavors, as always, I am still decidedly a work in progress.  I am glad to know that there is still plenty of room for growth and plenty of work to be done in the new year.

So Happy New Year, dear friends, to you and yours.

In 2016, let's resolve to have some wonderful adventures.